impious.io

The Daily Modem — Local Furnace Man Conquers the Information Superhighway

GRAND RAPIDS — A neighborhood HVAC contractor reports a curious uptick in business after a firm known only as IMPIOUS helped him "get found" on the World Wide Web. "It's like the Yellow Pages, but it runs all night and never jams," he said. Experts predict this "search engine optimization" fad may have legs.

NetWatch Weekly — Pressure-Washing Outfit Now Reportedly Visible From Space (the Web)

THE SUBURBS — A local power-washing company says its driveway is "cleaner than its browser cache" after going online. Sources confirm an automated "agent" handles the bookings. Officials declined to specify which tasks the agent performs. "Lightweight," was the only comment provided.

The Cyber Gazette — Area Insurance Agent Found Online; Actuaries Baffled

DOWNTOWN — An insurance agent has reportedly been located on the Internet. The same mysterious consultancy is said to perform "information security + open source intelligence on the side." When pressed for specifics, a representative typed three dots and logged off.

The Y2K Herald — Consultancy Completes ONE (1) Healthcare Project, Will Not Elaborate

PARTS UNKNOWN — IMPIOUS has confirmed the completion of exactly one (1) healthcare engagement. "Our neural net is currently possessed. Please hold," read the only statement. The line then went quiet.

The Desert Dispatch — Sketchy Locksmith Listings Quietly Vanish From the Valley

PHOENIX — A rash of dubious locksmith listings that once blanketed the Valley has, by several accounts, quietly thinned out. Asked whether IMPIOUS had a hand in it, a representative declined to comment, citing "sources and methods."